I'm Not Perfect...And I Don't Want to Be

    Honestly, I have a new code to live by. Lily Allen's song, Fuck You. I've never been avid to listening to what people tell me nowadays. At least that's what I've always told myself. Listening to music while attached to a cord is something I'm getting used to and I kind of like it. I've been a stubborn asshole to just about everyone around me, but I do want to change. I like that I'm stubborn, but everyone has their limits and I want to be able to tell the difference between when to be stubborn and when it's not a good idea. 2025 is my year. I know that sounds cliche and outdated, but it's true, I want to grab 2025 by its balls. I want to change. I want a lot of things for next year. I want to get to know myself, I want to get to know God, I want to be healthy, I want to be unapologetically iconic to myself. I'm sick of being predictable and a creature of habit. It's time to make some changes that need to stick. I want a routine. I also want to form habits that stick. I need to stop relying on other people all of the time. I'm not saying to stop completely relying on others, I just need to be able to be accountable for my own actions. 

    I've made a ton of mistakes that I haven't taken responsibility for, but I want that to change. I'll be going to the school's church on Thursdays at 9 pm. I'll be going to the gym at least 2-3 times a week. I'll be going on a calorie deficit diet. I'll be saving money and keep it saved. I'll only say yes to giving money away if it's not in my savings account. Once it's in savings, I can't touch it, or it'll result in a punishment. I won't try to lie and say I'll keep my room clean because I know that probably won't happen. I won't lie and say that I will mess up in my goals for this year, but I WILL be trying my very best to keep my goals in check. This will probably be the best/most difficult year of my life since I'm trying to change a lot at once. I will want to give up most if not all of the time, but that's why I have my accountability friend to help me. I have a lot of plans and I want to keep them. If I'm going to be flying in a plane this year, then I'll need to lose some of this stubborn weight. Even if it's a pound. I love this blog, it's becoming my actual safe space. Especially since no one knows about this account. Even if they do, they have no idea who I am. I want my journey this next year to be recorded somehow and I think this is the safest way. Paper gets damaged and discovered. This may be discovered, but I don't mention people by name, so I don't think it'll be too bad. I know I skip topic to topic, but that's just how my brain works. One minute, I'm pissed and need to diffuse myself  and the next I feel open and light. 

Signing Off

Lizzie